What's Cozy About Your Depression?

Depression is an incredibly isolating and painful experience. When depression moves through us, we feel hopeless and guilty for it.

But it can also be scary to think about moving out of depression. There’s a comfort in the known, despite the pain that comes with it. There are valid reasons we resist letting our depression go.

We know how to blame everything on ourselves. If we’re the worst, we don’t need to have difficult conversations with others. We don’t need to set boundaries. If we take all the responsibility, we’re never let down by others.

We know how to maintain hopelessness. If life is hopeless, we have no figuring out to do. We don’t have to anxiously consider our future or our existential questions. We are released from the risk of desiring things/people/experiences in our life that we don’t yet (and might not ever) have.

We know how to just be. If we’re feeling depressed, we have no motivation to get out of bed. We don’t need to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone. We’re simply surviving.

Black and white thinking is SIMPLE. That’s why our brains love doing it so much.

We think we’re protecting ourselves by boiling life down into “this or that”--“I’m bad, you’re good”. From this mindset, there are no surprises, and we are in total control.

We don’t step into the complexities of the truth of the human experience, including that people are not bad or good but instead terrifyingly and beautifully dynamic. We spend no time on elusive hopes that may or may not manifest. We certainly do not engage in frivolous activity like exercising or socializing. Life is simple.

After a while though, we recognize how long life is. How torturously slow it feels to move through life within this molasses of simple but monotonous depression. We wonder about getting out--about healing.

This is where baby steps, kindness, and safe others come in. Because healing must be done at a manageable pace with the support of people we trust, whether they come in the form of a friend, family member, therapist, or all of the above.

It’s okay and normal to be afraid of healing. The important part is recognizing what fears depression is protecting us from. Do we fear worthiness, connection, activity, vulnerability?

Slowly but surely, ideally with the help of a mental health professional, we can begin to deconstruct these fears and step into the experience of wholeness. Wholeness meaning our complex and dynamic existence as human beings, free from the dangerous simplicity of black and white thinking.

If you or someone you know is feeling curious about beginning the healing journey out of depression, you can check out www.psychologytoday.com to find a mental health professional who can help. If you live in Colorado and are interested in beginning your therapy journey with me, reach out at www.discoveringpeacetherapy.com/contact.

We Don't Need To Find Our Purpose

As people seeking evolution and life satisfaction, we often hold a belief that we must “find our purpose” in order to feel fulfilled. We seek externally for that perfect job or that perfect hobby that will give us the “aha moment” we’ve been waiting for. We want to know why we were put on this planet. 

What does purpose mean to you? Why is it worth the search? What are you truly trying to find?

Most of us are looking for a sense of life satisfaction. A safety in ourselves and our life. Simply put: We want to be happy.

The truth is, our purpose is not something to find. It’s something to remember.

Instead of looking for your purpose, notice in what moments you are already living it. In other words, what are you doing when you feel the most free? What comes easily to you? What can you lose track of time doing? 

Bonus question: What makes you feel like a kid again?

In these moments of flow/joy/freedom, our purpose is simply revealed to us. No grasping or searching required. We remember how to feel free.

We need to release the pressure we put on ourselves to have it all figured out—as individuals and as a culture. Our dissatisfaction with life can create an anxiety and an urgency around finding this elusive purpose. We can feel behind and even ashamed for feeling lost.

The truth is, the figuring out happens naturally when we follow our freedom. There is nothing to find but our joy that has been with us all along. We live our way into the answer.

Focus on the ease and fall into your purpose.

That Sucks. Tell Me More.

Sometimes we need to hear that our experience sucks. Sometimes we’re not ready to fix or change perspective. The first step toward healing and evolving in relationship is validation.

Validation takes our brains off the defense. It soothes our nervous system. It moves us out of fear.

Many of us have been taught that validating is self-loathing or “having a pity party”. The truth is, validation is just the opposite--it’s the doorway to action.

Once we properly validate ourselves or someone else, we can then proceed with problem-solving and positive thinking--without conflict and resistance.

How might this apply to your life? How can we express what we understand about each other’s experience before we jump into fixing? What questions can we ask to make sure we get it right?