Depression is an incredibly isolating and painful experience. When depression moves through us, we feel hopeless and guilty for it.
But it can also be scary to think about moving out of depression. There’s a comfort in the known, despite the pain that comes with it. There are valid reasons we resist letting our depression go.
We know how to blame everything on ourselves. If we’re the worst, we don’t need to have difficult conversations with others. We don’t need to set boundaries. If we take all the responsibility, we’re never let down by others.
We know how to maintain hopelessness. If life is hopeless, we have no figuring out to do. We don’t have to anxiously consider our future or our existential questions. We are released from the risk of desiring things/people/experiences in our life that we don’t yet (and might not ever) have.
We know how to just be. If we’re feeling depressed, we have no motivation to get out of bed. We don’t need to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone. We’re simply surviving.
Black and white thinking is SIMPLE. That’s why our brains love doing it so much.
We think we’re protecting ourselves by boiling life down into “this or that”--“I’m bad, you’re good”. From this mindset, there are no surprises, and we are in total control.
We don’t step into the complexities of the truth of the human experience, including that people are not bad or good but instead terrifyingly and beautifully dynamic. We spend no time on elusive hopes that may or may not manifest. We certainly do not engage in frivolous activity like exercising or socializing. Life is simple.
After a while though, we recognize how long life is. How torturously slow it feels to move through life within this molasses of simple but monotonous depression. We wonder about getting out--about healing.
This is where baby steps, kindness, and safe others come in. Because healing must be done at a manageable pace with the support of people we trust, whether they come in the form of a friend, family member, therapist, or all of the above.
It’s okay and normal to be afraid of healing. The important part is recognizing what fears depression is protecting us from. Do we fear worthiness, connection, activity, vulnerability?
Slowly but surely, ideally with the help of a mental health professional, we can begin to deconstruct these fears and step into the experience of wholeness. Wholeness meaning our complex and dynamic existence as human beings, free from the dangerous simplicity of black and white thinking.
If you or someone you know is feeling curious about beginning the healing journey out of depression, you can check out www.psychologytoday.com to find a mental health professional who can help. If you live in Colorado and are interested in beginning your therapy journey with me, reach out at www.discoveringpeacetherapy.com/contact.